bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

Ladies and Gentlemen... your attention please... introducing... bergoglio as CRAPMAN!

NOTE: If you remember the old Batman TV series then you can provide your own background music to this bjot by singing as follows -- to the tune of the Batman theme -- "doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo.. doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo.. CRAPMAN! .. [REPEAT]"

That's a lot of doo-doo...

You bet...

Crapman is the best...

When it comes to doo-doo... uh... yes...

Wait! but i thought bergoglio was supposed to be like "super-man" dude... right?

That should be "super-CRAPMAN!"

Oh OK... slight difference there...

Mostly in the doo-doo department...

Sigh... I can't believe we've descended to such depths of sophmoric humour...

Yes... i'm afraid we have done just that... well it seems appropriate to the topic of bergoglio...

I'll have to go home and ponder on that...

Don't ponder too long... your head will explode...

Too late... it already exploded months ago... i don't remember when anymore... or exactly why... i just remember my brain getting hotter and hotter... and then there was this like nuclear meltdown... and then the mushroom cloud... that's all i remember... i don't remember after that...

... better that way...

... do you ever feel like that...

oh yeah... all the time... my brain exploded a long time ago...

... when doo-doo is king...

... the king is a doo-doo demon devil dainty dandee...

... doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo dat's all folks...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

it's been a while since our last bjot (bergoglio joke of the day)... let's check in on our pair of bjot writers and see how they are doing...

  ~ ~ ~

any luck with the latest bjot...

... i have a punch line that i'm working on turning into a new joke...

ok... that's a start... what's the punch line?...

"gay marriage"...

that's it? "gay marriage"?

yeah...

ok... what's the joke...

"gay marriage"

that's it? "gay marriage"? i thought you said that's the punch line...

it is the punch line... it's the punch line and the joke...

ok... so how does this joke go?...

it goes like this: "gay marriage"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... i don't get it...

... you would if you weren't born yesterday and if you have been asleep for the past 50 years... "gay marriage"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... any other ideas...

... yeah... i was working on another punch line...

... i'm waiting... what's the punch line...

... the punch line is "the pope is a heretic"...

... oh and I suppose the joke is "the pope is a heretic"...

... no... because that wouldn't be funny...

... not even if i wasn't born yesterday and i've been asleep for 50 years...

... no... i'm afraid if that was the case then you would not find "the pope is a heretic" to be funny at all... back then heretics were taken seriously...

what if we say: "the pope is a heretic"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... it doesn't work that way...

... how about if we say "the pope is a funny heretic"... no that doesn't work either... maybe we should stick with your first idea: "gay marriage"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... yeah... that one used to crack them up 50 years ago... not so much anymore... now it's, "who am i to judge?"

... which ruins the whole joke... how about this?: "gay marriage"... "who am i judge"... "the pope is a heretic"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... i'm not feeling that "ha-ha-ha-ha"...

... yeah me neither.. when did things get so complicated?...

... when we stopped believing in simple truths... like "marriage"...

... how about: "marriage"... ha-ha-ha-ha...

... at the pace we are going, that will work in another 50 years...

... or 10 years... we'll save it for then...

... that's nothing to look forward to...

... you can't turn back the clock...

... why not?...

... its not the Vatican II way... we must move forward...

... forward into oblivion...

... and no looking back...

... obviously... we wouldn't want to do that...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

... with special guest appearance by father rosica... because bergoglio is not the only joker in the vatican...

... our secret sources at salty and lightly tv have discovered that the real father rosica is actually imprisoned in a vatican dungeon and his diabolical twin imposter has taken control of father rosica's twitter account...

... each day father rosica is tortured by reading to him pre-vatican 2 papal encyclicals...

... poor father rosica is only given cheap italian wine to accompany his meals... no 100 year old french vintages like he is accustomed to... imagine how much the poor father suffers due to this inhuman treatment...

... father rosica's punishment includes having to pray the old pre-vatican 2 liturgy of the hours... and that includes every prayer...in Latin... oh the horror...

... when father rosica is trying to sleep his torturers pump in Gregorian Chant music endlessly... this is said to be driving him to a state of near madness...

... meanwhile father rosica's evil twin lashes out at canadian bloggers who threaten to reveal the truth...

~~~
~~~

... poor father rosica... all he ever asked for was tolerance and justice...

... i see...

... yes, intolerance and injustice are... well... intolerable...

... i see...

... off with their heads...

... i'm not following you... off with whose heads...

... the intolerant ones... that will show them to be tolerant...

... your logic somehow escapes me...

... logic.. who said anything about logic... this is a matter of justice...

... i see... tolerant justice... i presume...

... yes... that's right...

... ah, i see... the guillotine is back in vogue...

... and ready for business...

... be careful...

... why...

... one never knows whose neck will be under the guillotine's blade next...

... i never thought of that...

... think about it...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

... with special guest appearance by michael voris... because voris is turning into a bigger joke than bergoglio...

ten top reasons why voris refuses to criticize bergoglio

1. voris is hoping to have his feet washed by bergoglio this Holy Thursday...

2. voris wants to be the papal spokesperson instead of Father Lombardi...

3. voris has a bad case of mark shea envy...

4. voris is hoping that bergoglio will sign up to be one of the featured speakers on the next church militant cruise...

5. voris is hoping to redeem a coupon he got online that promises free tango lessons from bergoglio...

6. voris lost a bet with Cardinal Dolan that bergoglio would become pope...

7. voris is blinded by white cassocks...

8. voris has been inhaling too many makeup fumes...

9. voris always wanted to be a jesuit priest...

10. voris has already spent so much time with his head buried in the sand that the particles have penetrated his brain...

~~~

you know you're in bad shape when you get the "lower case" last name treatment in a bJOT -- bergoglio joke of the day...

... yes... and a bad case of "mark shea envy" to boot... that sounds serious...

... nothing that a papal footwashing can't cure... or if that doesn't work out he could always try out the showers at St. Peter's next time he is in Rome...

... and maybe get his haircut...

... don't mention hair... it's a sensitive topic with voris...

... oh i didn't know...

... it's a well kept secret...

... well you managed to complete the top ten list this time...

... it wasn't hard... i could have easily come up with ten more...

... that's not good... for voris...

... no it's not...

... will there be another bJOT featuring voris...

... that's up to him... let's hope not...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

Queers: where bergoglio knows your name.

~~~
~~~

That's it?

I don't know what else to say...

How about, "hey bergoglio, get out of the Vatican and take your pervert freak show with you!"

Is that supposed to be funny?

Sort of... about as funny as "Queers: where bergoglio knows your name"

It's a take off on Cheers: where everybody...

... I got that...

I was thinking of making bergoglio the bartender... but I ran out of ideas...

You could make him the bouncer at the bar...

Yeah... I thought of that too...

And his homilies sound like something a couple of drunks would say at a  bar...

Yeah... I thought of that too...

You could make him a bartender/bouncer at a gay bar...

Yeah... I thought of that too...

That would be funny...

Yeah... if only bergoglio wasn't the pope... that's the part that's not so funny...

... that's true... a funny pope isn't really funny...

... sad really when you think about it...

... better just stick to "Queers: where bergoglio knows your name"

... Yeah... that's what I thought too...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

From AP (anti-Catholic press) news... this just in...

The marketing department at the Vatican has announced its decision to cash in on bergoglio's world-wide popularity by introducing a new line of bergoglio brand products.

The first product in the lineup is a bergoglio doll. Retailers are clamoring for the new doll and already predicting that their inventory will quickly sell out -- which will likely lead to shortages and hoarding.

A spokeswoman for ATC (the Abomination Toy Company) which has been given exclusive world-wide distribution rights said, "This is the biggest thing to hit the toy market since Barney the Purple Dinosaur."

One complaint from retailers is that the doll only comes in white. As a result one national chain of stores has been authorized to test market a rainbow colored bergoglio doll.

~~~
~~~

... i just bought a bergoglio doll for my son... i had to wait all night in a line to be one of the first in the store because only a limited number of dolls are available per store...

... what does it do...

... it talks...

... is that it...

... yes... but it talks a lot...

... what does it say...

... most of the time i can't understand... but there is one phrase that it keeps repeating... "want to take a selfie with the pope?"

... that's cute...

... yeah... but sometimes i wish it would just shut up...

... what was the name of the store you  bought it at...

... DesolationMart... they have biggest selection of all the latest toys for kids and adults...

... aren't they the ones with the exclusive rainbow colored bergoglio dolls...

... yeah but by the time I got in the store the only ones left were the white ones...

... bummer... i really wanted to buy a rainbow colored one as a present for Father Harry Tick...

... wait... isn't Father Harry color blind...

... oh right, that's what he told us when we asked him about the rainbow colored altar cloth...

... so that's good...

... yeah...

... and the proceeds go to a good cause...

... really...

... yes, the Vatican announced that it will use the proceeds to pay for the cost of the canonization of Paul VI...

... oh yes, i remember hearing that on the news... and its rumored that whatever is left over will be used to cover the cost of the canonization of bergoglio... after he dies of course...

... why wait...

... that's what i was wondering too...

... best pope ever...

... you said it...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

Here is the latest from AP (anti-Catholic press) news agency...

bergoglio has just released a new motu proprio in anticipation of his upcoming enviro-cyclical in which he declares that the mountains of heretical trash produced as a result of the implementation of Vatican 2 must not be thrown away but must be recycled.

As an example of how this recycling program can work he points to his own evangelii gaudium in which he humbly notes that he was successful in recycling many post Vatican 2 documents which otherwise would have been discarded and forgotten in the trash heap of history.

Products made from 100% recycled Vatican 2 waste materials will be distributed by the new "pontifical council for promoting the new eco-vangelization" and are guaranteed to be 100% free of any pre-Vatican 2 Catholic doctrine.

~~~
~~~

oh boy... this should save the Vatican a lot of energy...

... that's true...

... instead of writing new post Vatican 2 documents they can just recycle the old ones...

... that's true...

... it makes lots of sense doesn't it...

... that's true... after all, we all know that there are no new heresies...

... so why waste energy trying to come up with... wait a second...

... keep going... you were on the right track...

... you're making fun of this whole idea aren't you...

... no, i was being quite serious...

... if you disagree with bergoglio, couldn't you just keep silent like the neo-Catholics do...

... no i cannot... and for the sake of the Catholic Church neither should you once you realize the truth of what bergoglio is up to...

... that's why i carry this bucket of sand around with me wherever i go...

... it won't help...

... i can't hear you...

Latest weather report from the Philippines on typhoon jorge

Typhoon jorge continues to cause devastating destruction in major parts of the Catholic world. Forecasts are for typhoon jorge to increase in size fueled by the warm waters in the kitchen of Casa Santa Marta.

Already the death toll includes the loss of countless souls and many more are facing slow spiritual starvation from the lack of access to clean Catholic teaching on the faith.

Highly communicable heretical diseases are rampant in the areas already destroyed and forecasters say that these may ultimately lead to a higher death toll than that caused by the highly destructive winds emerging from the mouth of the storm.

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

We here at PublicVigil have another first from our secret Vatican sources... we have obtained an advance copy of bergoglio's new papal encyclical...

The title of the encyclical is Globulus Warmus Est...

On about page 100 after a few brief introductory remarks with numerous quotes from the documents of Vatican 2 and even more numerous quotes from bergoglio's own gaudium gospelus (or whatever he calls it)... because nothing says humble like constantly quoting yourself...

... after the brief introduction bergoglio makes public a startling revelation that he has learned from certain jewish rabbis which he regularly consults with that not only are we experiencing global warming as a result of mankind's effect on the environment, but even more startling is the recent evidence of SOLAR warming...

As you can imagine the effects of solar warming far exceed those of global warming... but then we know from our studies of the solar system that the earth is not the center of the universe as ancient man once thought...

This solar warming is the result of man-made carbon dioxide escaping from earth's atmosphere and being drawn into the sun by its immense gravitational field...

Once the CO2 enters the corona of the sun it reacts with the helium of the sun to cause a nuclear chain reaction which causes enormous solar flares that not only heat up the earth but also cause deadly radiation to penetrate earth's atmosphere and release more CO2 in a positive feedback loop which will only accelerate unless...

... unless we form a unified worldwide religion of peace and dedicate ourselves to eliminating our CO2 emissions by breathing through only one lung...

~~~
~~~

wow!... bergoglio's new encyclical sure breaks with tradition...

... and that's a good thing?...

... well it's different... and very modern...

... and that's a good thing?...

... who knew that man-made CO2 emissions were causing SOLAR warming...

... soon the solar bears will be extinct...

... funny... very funny...

... i thought so...

... there is no such thing as solar warming is there?... you just made this whole thing up...

... and you believed it...

... well it all sounded so "scientific"...

... that's all it takes...

... i started to get suspicious when i read the part about breathing through one lung...

... can't fool you...

... that's right...

... only bergoglio can do that...

... you mean breathe through only one lung?...

... no, i mean fool you...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

on the morning before Christmas kasper burst into bergoglio's bedroom in the Casa Santa Marta and started to open his mouth to speak, but bergolio quickly turned and pointed to his apple iFag phone and angrily began to rebuke him...

"can't you see i'm on the phone..." and then he realized who it was and continued meekly, "oh it's you my dear kasper... just one second..."

"hello," spoke bergoglio into his iFag, "... yes, can i call you back later?... yes... ok... happy holidays to you too raul... and say hello to your brother fidel... yes, i'll say hello to barack when i talk to him... bye, bye..."

"ah, kasper... you were saying..."

"my dear bergoglio, you have surpassed yourself... this Christmas message to the Curia was brilliant... 15 spiritual diseases... where did you come up with this... brilliant!... and all our friends in the press are talking about it... they love it..."

"ah, my dear kasper... i'm very sorry but i can't tell you where the inspiration for this speech came from..."

"why not..."

"it's a secret..."

"but, you always share everything with me... why is this different..."

"... because... it is a secret of the confessional..."

"i don't understand... are you saying some member of the Curia confessed these 15 spiritual diseases to you..."

"no, not exactly... i don't understand it myself..."

"so then... in this case -- for pastoral reasons shall we say -- i think the seal of the confessional can be broken..."

"you're sure it's ok..."

"of course... now tell me exactly what was the inspiration for this speech..."

"oh, ok... it was during my weekly confession..."

"you were confessing..."

"yes... i had just confessed that when i was in Turkey i was driven in a large car... but that it wasn't by my choice..."

"yes... yes... continue..." said kasper impatiently.

"... well... i don't have the slightest idea why... but my confessor started to speak to me about these 15 spiritual diseases..."

"... perhaps i should speak to this confessor... what happened next?"

"... well, i stopped him and went on to confess how i had sinned by not eating all my food on the plane ride back from the European Parliament... but i explained that it was a short plane trip and the plane attendants wouldn't let me finish my customary third cannoli for dessert because we were getting ready to land..."

"... ah, yes... and then what..." said kapser through gritted teeth.

"... well, that was it... and then the confessor handed me a piece of paper and asked me to read it later... he said it was about the 15 spiritual diseases he was trying to talk to me about earlier..."

"... oh, i see.. what did you say the name of that confessor is..."

bergoglio continued seemingly oblivious to kasper's comments, "... it wasn't until later when i read the paper that i realized that my confessor had given me the paper on the 15 spiritual diseases so that i could use this as the basis for my speech to the Curia..."

"... you really think so... " said kasper with a look of utter disbelief.

"... yes... but what i don't understand is why he didn't just say so... a strange priest this confessor... he gives me a "funeral face" look all the time when i'm confessing... similar to the look you just gave me... i wonder why... thankfully, God has bestowed on me a healthy dose of unawareness..."

"... so that's how it happened..."

"... yes..."

"... i should have guessed it would be something like this... what was the name of this priest again..."

"... i don't remember right now... i think his name was something like "old timer"... Father Alzheimer!... i think that was it..."

"... i see... let's just forget about it then..."

"... sure... forget about what..."

"... never mind... i'm leaving now..."

"... ok... nice boys those castro brothers... not like those Cardinals in the Curia... maybe i will visit them in Havana... i could stop there on the way back from the Philippines... we could take some selfies..."

~ ~ ~

Vatican consultant Enzo Bianchi said in reaction to bergoglio's speech to the Curia that he is a new Psalmist and a new Bernard of Clairvaux [LINK]... isn't that hilarious... don't you wish we would have thought of that...

... actually.. he was being serious...

... you're kidding...

... no...

... you're not kidding... oh my dear God... what's next...

... only God knows...

bergoglio is likes our jokes about him

bergoglio is likes our jokes about him

We at PublicVigil have been informed by our secret sources in the Vatican that bergoglio is an avid reader of "the bergoglio joke of the day" available here:

[LINK]

In his recent address to the Curia he...

"... invites people to be full of humour and self-irony; 'How beneficial a healthy dose of humour can be!' "

[LINK]

~~~

Wow! bergoglio really officially endorsed "the bergoglio joke of the day"!

Well, i wouldn't exactly say he "officially endorsed" it...

... but he said he likes it...

Well, i'm not so sure about that... the literal translation of what our secret source said is "bergoglio is likes your jokes"...

... so he likes our jokes, right?

... actually, I think our secret source was saying "bergoglio is like our jokes" or in another words "bergoglio is a joke"...

... oh... this translation stuff can be tricky...

... just ask Father Lombardi...

... so-o-o-o... does that mean we have to retract this article...

... no... we will just have our official spokesman explain the misunderstanding...

... but... we don't have an official spokesman...

... actually... we don't have a secret source in the Vatican either...

... but we do have "a healthy dose of humour"...

... got that right...

... so we've got an official papal endorsement for our "bergoglio joke of the day" apostolate!

... do i have to explain this all again...

... explain what?

... never mind...

... ok...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

The weather prediction for the Church for the year 2015 according to bergoglio's almanac...

... clear sunny skies...

... gentle rains...

... tranquil seas...

... smooth sailing...

... abundant harvests...

... peace, love and harmony...

~~~

... uh, isn't that the same thing he predicted last year...

... and the year before that...

... so-o-o-o... why does anybody still listen to him...

... it's one of the great mysteries of the modern world...

... what about that raging hurricane in October 2014...

... what about the raging SUPER-hurricane in October of 2015 that most analysts are predicting...

... it could turn into "gentle rains"...

... you really thinks so...

... no... not really... that's why I have dug a nuclear proof bunker under my house with enough supplies to last 20 years...

... better make it 50...

... you think that will be enough...

... it's a start... or you could dig your head out of the sand...

... actually, i've read on the internet that putting your head in the sand is the best protection...

... don't believe everything you read on the internet...

... what about videos...

... even less...

... oh... ok...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

PublicVigil has an exclusive preview of bergoglio's latest interview which will appear on newstands everywhere tomorrow.

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: Can you tell us some of your favorite things about being pope? For instance is it that you can eat like a pig? Or that you can say whatever stupid thing pops into your head? What are your thoughts? If you have any?

bERGOGLIO: Yes, it's true that as pope i get to eat like a pig and say whatever ridiculous thing pops into my head. It's true, but there is more... for instance...

... now that i'm pope people actually listen to what I have to say... that never happened in Buenos Aires.. mostly they just said, "shut up bergoglio!"... now who's turn is it to shut up?... eh?... what did you say? ... i said shut up... who's the pope? ... i'm the pope... shut up... no, YOU shut up...

... and now everyone wants to talk to me... in Buenos Aires nobody wanted to talk to me... they said, "bergoglio? why do i want to talk to bergoglio?"... now everyone wants to interview me... ME, the pope... because i'm el hombre... el GRAN hombre... it's like, you want to talk to me? ... sure give me a minute to finish this interview and i'll be right over...

... and everybody loves me... in Buenos Aires nobody loved me... sure Skorka and Tony were my friends... but now... now everyone wants to be my friend... i don't want to sound like i'm bragging because i'm so humble, but i got so many friends on facebook and twitter... how many friends you got? ... maybe you need to be pope... like me... sorry the job's already taken... ha! ... what a funny guy i am ...

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: Thank you jorge for this candid and enlightening interview. Do you have any closing thoughts? I mean if you have any thoughts at all.

bERGOGLIO: i just want to assure you that as pope i would never try to proselytize you...

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: ...uh, yes. You said that at least ten times during the interview. I guess there are no closing thoughts.

bERGOGLIO: Did I tell you that i don't want to proselytize you...

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: ...uh, yes... you did...

bERGOGLIO: OK... cause I wouldn't want to forget that... it's very important... eh? no? yes?

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: ...uh, yes...

bERGOGLIO: Do you want to take a selfie with the pope?

ATHEIST INTERVIEWER: ...uh, sure... why not...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

From "The adventures of bergoglio the talking mule"

Chapter 10 -- How bergoglio the talking mule became the pope

One day bergoglio the talking mule was in Buenos Aires pulling a cart full of tourists dressed in red.

bergoglio said to the tourists, "Why are all of you dressed in red?"

The first man named Murphy-O'Connor said, "It is because we are cardinals of the Catholic Church."

"Oh", said bergoglio, "We don't get many such big red birds here in Buenos Aires."

"Wait!" said a surprised Murphy-O'Connor. "You're a mule but you can talk."

"Yes," replied bergoglio matter-of-factly.

"How would you like to be pope of the Catholic Church! We need somebody different to shake things up."

"Oh, I like shaking things up," said bergoglio and he shook the cart so hard that all the cardinals fell out.

The next thing bergoglio the talking mule knew he was dressed in red and at the pre-conclave to elect a new pope.

"What will you do if you become pope?" asked all the other cardinals.

"I will shake things up!" replied bergoglio and he began to shake his big mule behind so hard that all the cardinal were so shaken up that they were thrown to the floor.

"That's exactly what we've been looking for," said a large group of cardinals and they immediately formed "team bergoglio" to back bergoglio the talking mule to be the next pope.

bergoglio the talking mule was very pleased by this. Murphy-O'Connor had promised him that as pope he would have his own kitchen staff and be able to eat anything he wanted all day long. bergoglio loved to eat and so this pleased him very much.

And Murphy-O'Connor said that once he was pope everyone would have to listen to him and that he could say anything he wanted. If there was anything that bergoglio the talking mule liked more than eating it was talking so he was especially pleased by this.

Then the actual conclave began. Murphy-O'Connor said that he would not be able to accompany bergoglio, but not to worry because the other members of team bergoglio would be there to help him.

At first it did not go well for bergoglio the talking mule. He only got a small number of votes in the first round, but then members of team bergoglio would approach those who had voted for another candidate and pull out a file folder with pictures and documents.

Gradually bergoglio the talking mule got more and more votes as team bergoglio spoke to many of the cardinals individually -- always showing them a personalized file folder with pictures and documents.

bergoglio the talking mule didn't know what was in the file folders but once he overheard some of team bergoglio saying something about a "gay lobby".

Finally, after a few days bergoglio was voted by the cardinals to be the pope.

As he was on his way out to the balcony to greet the crowds he saw Murphy-O'Connor and said jokingly, "This is all your fault!"

A few minutes later bergoglio the talking mule was standing awkardly on the balcony dressed in white and asking the crowd to pray for him.

"Finally," he thought, "now I can eat whatever I want and no one will dare call me a fat-ass mule because I am the pope!"

"And what's even better than that," he thought, "now I can say and do whatever I want and no one can call me a dumb-ass mule because I am the pope!"

And that is the true story of how bergoglio the talking mule became the pope. In the next chapters we will learn about bergoglio's many adventures as the pope -- or bishop of rome as he preferred to be called.

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

how to dance the bergoglio

The basic step is one step forward and two steps backward.

The weight is shifted from left to right, but always maintaining more weight on the left.

The music is usually tango, although the latest trend is to use punk rock sung by old washed up former "stars" or new covers of tired old 80s disco classics sung by new wannabee "stars" dressed as nuns.

The dance starts by one of the partners bowing his head on the chest of the other who kisses him on top of his head. This opening move is referred to as "the dialogue".

The dance is performed by two males. Traditionally one of the partners is referred to as "jorge" and the other as "bart".

In theory the lead partner is "jorge" but in practice bart and jorge are co-leaders, although this can cause some confusion for the dancers... and also the audience.

After the opening "dialogue" the rest of the dance troupe dressed in red forms a circle around the lead dancers. Their task is to try to imitate the moves of the lead dancers which can be quite difficult since the dance is so unpredictable.

If one of the members of the troupe is unable (or unwilling) to imitate the moves of the two lead dancers then they are escorted to the "maltese room". This is a separate isolated area.  There is no admittance back into the dance from the maltese room.

Eventually all the dancers become exhausted and dizzy from all the hopping and contortions and spinning and fall on the floor in a pile of bodies.

.... this is when the real fun begins...

~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~

I'm getting dizzy just watching all of that spinning...

... and the contortions required to follow the lead dancer dressed in white...

... call him "jorge"... that's what he likes...

... right, "jorge"... he's a very accomplished dancer....

... yes, he learned those intricate tango moves in argentina...

... in the whore houses...

... oh no, they dance tango in the cathedral these days...

... that's good... i guess... i still can't get used to two men tangling their legs up that way...

... oh, but it's very trendy and popular...

... i know... but i am having a hard time appreciating this new fashion... it must just be me...

... no, it's not just you...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

the other night in the Casa Santa Marta kasper was scampering past the bedroom of bergoglio at an early morning hour when he heard cries of "i'm melting! i'm melting!" from within.

kasper quickly opened the door -- which was slightly ajar -- and called out, "are you ok, my dear bergoglio... i heard screams..."

bergoglio was sitting on a couch with his back towards kasper, he rotated his head 180° [just kidding], and replied, "oh, i'm fine, my dear kasper... i was just re-watching my favorite movie "the wizard of oz" with judy garland... the saddest part is when the witch of the west cries out "i'm melting!"... don't you agree that she is the most mis-understood character in all of western culture? She was just trying to help the poor dorothy after all and keep her from being taken in by that wizard of oz con-man... do you want to see? i have it here on my papal iPad... oops, it's time to send another tweet... "

"don't worry... baldisseri will take care of that... ," interrupted kasper

... and then just under his breath he muttered, "how many times do i have to tell him...?"

bergoglio didn't seem to notice kasper's interruption and just continued where he left off, "... actually i like the wizard of oz character as well... yes, he is a con-man, no?... but he is following his conscience... and so he is a good con-man... no? yes?..."

"yes... i mean no... i mean yes... ", responded kasper in obvious frustration...

bergoglio noticed the frustration in kasper's tone and asked delicately, "my dear kasper... are you alright... is it the synod... eh? no? yes?"

"yes... i mean no... i mean yes... ", responded kasper again... his frustration  obviously increasing...

"my dear kasper, you can tell me... what is it?... have you been having nightmares about recording devices again... they're everywhere you know... cameras, cellphones, even tiny microscopic ones that you can't even see... "

"really, jorge-cito...? is that supposed to make me feel better and calm down...? "

"oh, kasper-cito, i'm just trying to help... "

"... even the rodent John Allen Jr. has turned against us... he says the synod is like a soap opera... "

"... oh, but then CallMeJorge corrected him [LINK] and said that it is more like a circus... which of course makes me happy because then i get to put on my clown nose again and pose for some selfies... and then you can be the ringmaster... "

"ok, fine, das is güt, i feel better now... thank you jorge-cito... you always know the right thing to say to cheer me up... like when you complemented my 'profound theology' and even said it was like 'doing theology on one's knees'... that was just after all the Cardinals had attacked my speech back in Febraur... "

they both sat their silently for a while... just holding hands and looking at each other...

then kasper continued, "... yes, we will have another circus and i will be the ringmaster again... like at the half-time of the fütbol match für peace... "

"... yes, my dear kasper-cito... "

"just one thing," added kasper, "... this time try not to release the lions... "

"... but you know it was an accident... "

"... i'm just saying... they might mistake baldisseri, erdo and forte for Christians and eat them... "

"oh, that wouldn't be good... malo... muy malo... "

"yes, i agree... sehr malo... "

~~~

Here is a link for more bergoglio jokes of the day...

LINK

[H/T Mundabor -- LINK]

~~~

poor kasper...

yes, his comments about the African bishops did not go over very well...

if only it had not been recorded... he could have denied the comments...

well, he did try to deny them anyway...

but what kind of reporter would make such a recording public...?

a Catholic one?

yes, I suppose... they still exist?

apparently so... glory be to God...

~~~

"Too bad for Kasper that true Catholic reporters still exist" -- LINK

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio and kasper were having lunch in Casa Santa Marta and bergoglio was just starting to eat his third cannoli for dessert when kasper turned to him and said, "oh, i have been meaning to ask you... why is the bergoglio publicity blimp flying at night now?"

bergoglio wiped the cannoli cream from his face and smiled and answered, "oh no my dear kasper, that is not the bergoglio publicity blimp...."

kasper interrupted, "but i saw it clearly as it flew across the full moon.... "

bergoglio had just taken another bite out of his cannoli and without even waiting to finish swallowing replied excitedly, "my dear kasper that was really me!"

".... but how?" asked a perplexed kasper.

"let me explain... i was in the basement of the Vatican museum admiring some of the medieval instruments of torture when i saw an ordinary looking broom...."

"... and?" interrupted kasper impatiently.

"i thought of Harry Potter... you know how much i like the Harry Potter movies... and I pretended to imitate him flying through the air on my broom... "

"uh, yes, better to speak of such things only in private, don't you think?" hinted kasper.

"oh my dear kasper, but the truly amazing thing was that i really was flying through the room... "

"i would like to see this broom..."

"oh you will... i am planning on making a grand entrance to the synod by flying in on my broom... that is why i have been practicing secretly at night."

"oh, i see... are you sure you have been taking all of your medications?"

"yes... "

"well then there is only one thing to do... we will have to prepare father lombardi to explain to the press that this is the new papal broom and that it is being used because it is more fuel efficient and environmentally friendly than using a car or flying in a plane or helicopter... "

"... and just in time for halloween... "

"i think we can leave that out of the official Vatican statement... "

"oh but i just thought of something..."

"really?", replied kasper with a look of surprise.

"yes, how will i have a papal press conference in the air on a broom? there is not enough room for all the reporters! eh? no? yes?"

"oh, i would not worry about that... i am sure they can find brooms of their own... "

~ ~ ~

no comment?

we're off to see the wizard?

something like that...

maybe bergoglio can make another cartoon with Plim Plim the magical satanic clown where they fly through the air together on their magical wiccan brooms...

co-existence?

yes, we can't leave out the wiccans...

yes, that's very important for the bishops to keep in mind during the upcoming synod...

... yes, what should the priest do when a wiccan comes flying up to receive communion on his/her/its broom...

... mercy me! who is the priest to judge?

... one slogan fits all...

i'm afraid so... mercy, mercy, mercy...

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

Ten best ways to spot a 'c'atholic crypto-freemason.

1. He never kneels before the sacrament... but he kneels for the "blessing" of anti-Catholic ministers.
2. He is always speaking of "co-existence" between Catholicism and false religions.
3. Some of his closest "friends" are rabbis and protestant ministers.
4. He says that muslims, jews and Catholics all worship the same "god".
5. He never misses an opportunity to slam REAL Catholics.
6. All the other anti-Catholic crypto-freemasons can't stop saying good things about him.
7. He says the Gospel of Jesus Christ is really about feeding the poor and NOT leading poor lost souls to heaven.
8. He pretends to love the Blessed Virgin but at the same time insults her through his words and actions.
9. He talks about Jesus as if He was one of many prophets and NOT the Son of God.
10. Once in a while he will mix in a little Catholic Truth with his blasphemies to keep from being too obvious.

~~~

Hey! I see what you're doing here...

What am I doing here?

You're describing bergoglio's words and actions and saying that this is what a crypto-freemason would say or do...

And...

I'm thinking...

And...

Still thinking...

Conclusion?

I'm still thinking...

Its not that hard...

Do we really deserve this?

Yes, that is the right answer...

Actually it was a question.

No, actually it was an answer.

The answer is a question?

Yes.

God works in mysterious ways.

Yes, that is the same answer.

It is?... God have mercy...

I think we're done.

Anything else?

Pray the Rosary.

[Together] Hail Mary....

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

Thanks to bergoglio, we no longer have to wonder what a freemason would do if he (or she) became pope....now we know.

~~~

Haven't I heard that one before?

Yes, it's the first bergoglio-joke-of-the-day... published on May 9, 2014. [LINK]

Re-cycled then?

In a manner of speaking... yes, it seemed like a good time after bergoglio's trip to Albania...

Wasn't there a quote from the prophet Isaiah included in that blog entry?

Yes, the key verse is "For the fool will speak foolish things, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, and speak to the Lord deceitfully, and to make empty the soul of the hungry, and take away drink from the thirsty." Prophecy Of Isaias 32:6

Are you saying bergoglio is a fool?

Not I, it is the prophet Isaiah that says this.

So, by recycling are you trying to save energy?

No, it used to be that people did not throw out perfectly good things to begin with... in order to justify replacing them with new things.

But new things are good...

Some old things are worth saving...

You mean like tradition?

Ah, yes...

I liked how you ended that first bergoglio-joke-of-the-day... could you repeat it here?

Certainly...

+ + +

Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from losing all hope... and your faith.

Isaias tells us of the folly of the rulers of this world who do not recognize the almighty authority of Our Prince -- Jesus Christ, King of Kings!

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

What would happen if bergoglio were not only able to appoint his pick of "flattering parasites" to be Archbishop of Chicago [LINK], but could also pick the Vice President of the United States...

Below is a link to the first press conference of bergoglio's new vice presidential appointee -- Mr. Pat Paulsen...

... where he discusses the very important matters of government assistance for the elderly, gun control, healthcare....

http://youtu.be/x4kWLUnorTU

~~~

The Smothers Brothers... I thought they were in the ice cream business...

No, that's a comedy show from the 60s, but you're too young to remember...

Why were they talking about government assistance for the elderly, gun control, healthcare.... and we're still talking about it now...

You noticed.... did you think Paulsen looks a little like the new Archbishop of Chicago -- Blase Cupich...

Actually, I watched the news conference where Blase was introduced [LINK] and there is a little bit of resemblance... but I actually think he looks more like Dennis Kucinich....

Oh, right. All those Croats look the same to me too... I wouldn't know the difference if I bumped into one them in the night...

Oh, I thought Cupich was Mexican because I heard him speaking Spanish... it was Spanish, right? Not Croatian?

No actually he's not Mexican, but I hear he can whack a piñata with the best of them....

That's not easy with a blindfold on....

Yeah, he's a talented guy.... the best piñata whacker in his seminary class...

That must be why bergoglio chose him to be Archbishop of Chicago...

That and the fact that he is a "flattering parasite"....

Yeah, you can never have enough of those in the Church in high places....

That's exactly what bergoglio says...

Great minds....

Yeah right....