Saturday, December 27, 2014

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

on the morning before Christmas kasper burst into bergoglio's bedroom in the Casa Santa Marta and started to open his mouth to speak, but bergolio quickly turned and pointed to his apple iFag phone and angrily began to rebuke him...

"can't you see i'm on the phone..." and then he realized who it was and continued meekly, "oh it's you my dear kasper... just one second..."

"hello," spoke bergoglio into his iFag, "... yes, can i call you back later?... yes... ok... happy holidays to you too raul... and say hello to your brother fidel... yes, i'll say hello to barack when i talk to him... bye, bye..."

"ah, kasper... you were saying..."

"my dear bergoglio, you have surpassed yourself... this Christmas message to the Curia was brilliant... 15 spiritual diseases... where did you come up with this... brilliant!... and all our friends in the press are talking about it... they love it..."

"ah, my dear kasper... i'm very sorry but i can't tell you where the inspiration for this speech came from..."

"why not..."

"it's a secret..."

"but, you always share everything with me... why is this different..."

"... because... it is a secret of the confessional..."

"i don't understand... are you saying some member of the Curia confessed these 15 spiritual diseases to you..."

"no, not exactly... i don't understand it myself..."

"so then... in this case -- for pastoral reasons shall we say -- i think the seal of the confessional can be broken..."

"you're sure it's ok..."

"of course... now tell me exactly what was the inspiration for this speech..."

"oh, ok... it was during my weekly confession..."

"you were confessing..."

"yes... i had just confessed that when i was in Turkey i was driven in a large car... but that it wasn't by my choice..."

"yes... yes... continue..." said kasper impatiently.

"... well... i don't have the slightest idea why... but my confessor started to speak to me about these 15 spiritual diseases..."

"... perhaps i should speak to this confessor... what happened next?"

"... well, i stopped him and went on to confess how i had sinned by not eating all my food on the plane ride back from the European Parliament... but i explained that it was a short plane trip and the plane attendants wouldn't let me finish my customary third cannoli for dessert because we were getting ready to land..."

"... ah, yes... and then what..." said kapser through gritted teeth.

"... well, that was it... and then the confessor handed me a piece of paper and asked me to read it later... he said it was about the 15 spiritual diseases he was trying to talk to me about earlier..."

"... oh, i see.. what did you say the name of that confessor is..."

bergoglio continued seemingly oblivious to kasper's comments, "... it wasn't until later when i read the paper that i realized that my confessor had given me the paper on the 15 spiritual diseases so that i could use this as the basis for my speech to the Curia..."

"... you really think so... " said kasper with a look of utter disbelief.

"... yes... but what i don't understand is why he didn't just say so... a strange priest this confessor... he gives me a "funeral face" look all the time when i'm confessing... similar to the look you just gave me... i wonder why... thankfully, God has bestowed on me a healthy dose of unawareness..."

"... so that's how it happened..."

"... yes..."

"... i should have guessed it would be something like this... what was the name of this priest again..."

"... i don't remember right now... i think his name was something like "old timer"... Father Alzheimer!... i think that was it..."

"... i see... let's just forget about it then..."

"... sure... forget about what..."

"... never mind... i'm leaving now..."

"... ok... nice boys those castro brothers... not like those Cardinals in the Curia... maybe i will visit them in Havana... i could stop there on the way back from the Philippines... we could take some selfies..."

~ ~ ~

Vatican consultant Enzo Bianchi said in reaction to bergoglio's speech to the Curia that he is a new Psalmist and a new Bernard of Clairvaux [LINK]... isn't that hilarious... don't you wish we would have thought of that...

... actually.. he was being serious...

... you're kidding...

... no...

... you're not kidding... oh my dear God... what's next...

... only God knows...

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