Sunday, December 7, 2014

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

From "The adventures of bergoglio the talking mule"

Chapter 10 -- How bergoglio the talking mule became the pope

One day bergoglio the talking mule was in Buenos Aires pulling a cart full of tourists dressed in red.

bergoglio said to the tourists, "Why are all of you dressed in red?"

The first man named Murphy-O'Connor said, "It is because we are cardinals of the Catholic Church."

"Oh", said bergoglio, "We don't get many such big red birds here in Buenos Aires."

"Wait!" said a surprised Murphy-O'Connor. "You're a mule but you can talk."

"Yes," replied bergoglio matter-of-factly.

"How would you like to be pope of the Catholic Church! We need somebody different to shake things up."

"Oh, I like shaking things up," said bergoglio and he shook the cart so hard that all the cardinals fell out.

The next thing bergoglio the talking mule knew he was dressed in red and at the pre-conclave to elect a new pope.

"What will you do if you become pope?" asked all the other cardinals.

"I will shake things up!" replied bergoglio and he began to shake his big mule behind so hard that all the cardinal were so shaken up that they were thrown to the floor.

"That's exactly what we've been looking for," said a large group of cardinals and they immediately formed "team bergoglio" to back bergoglio the talking mule to be the next pope.

bergoglio the talking mule was very pleased by this. Murphy-O'Connor had promised him that as pope he would have his own kitchen staff and be able to eat anything he wanted all day long. bergoglio loved to eat and so this pleased him very much.

And Murphy-O'Connor said that once he was pope everyone would have to listen to him and that he could say anything he wanted. If there was anything that bergoglio the talking mule liked more than eating it was talking so he was especially pleased by this.

Then the actual conclave began. Murphy-O'Connor said that he would not be able to accompany bergoglio, but not to worry because the other members of team bergoglio would be there to help him.

At first it did not go well for bergoglio the talking mule. He only got a small number of votes in the first round, but then members of team bergoglio would approach those who had voted for another candidate and pull out a file folder with pictures and documents.

Gradually bergoglio the talking mule got more and more votes as team bergoglio spoke to many of the cardinals individually -- always showing them a personalized file folder with pictures and documents.

bergoglio the talking mule didn't know what was in the file folders but once he overheard some of team bergoglio saying something about a "gay lobby".

Finally, after a few days bergoglio was voted by the cardinals to be the pope.

As he was on his way out to the balcony to greet the crowds he saw Murphy-O'Connor and said jokingly, "This is all your fault!"

A few minutes later bergoglio the talking mule was standing awkardly on the balcony dressed in white and asking the crowd to pray for him.

"Finally," he thought, "now I can eat whatever I want and no one will dare call me a fat-ass mule because I am the pope!"

"And what's even better than that," he thought, "now I can say and do whatever I want and no one can call me a dumb-ass mule because I am the pope!"

And that is the true story of how bergoglio the talking mule became the pope. In the next chapters we will learn about bergoglio's many adventures as the pope -- or bishop of rome as he preferred to be called.

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