Friday, September 12, 2014

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio joke of the day

bergoglio and kasper were strolling hand-in-hand down the main corridor of the new Vatican II superstore that had just been built across the street from the Casa Santa Marta when an announcement came blaring out of the public address speakers.

"Attention Vatican II shoppers, there is a 50% sale of all bergoglio brand items in aisle 5."

kasper turned to bergoglio excitedly and said, "Oh, this is wunderbar. I have been wanting to buy some bergoglio brand who-am-i-to-judge t-shirts for all of my grandchildren..."

"what!?" interrupted bergoglio. "my dear kasper, how can you possibly have any grandchildren?.... you are a celibate priest..."

"i'm speaking of 'spiritual' grandchildren of course," replied kasper with a scolding look at bergoglio.

"oh, kasper that is so profoundly serene... can i wash your feet?"

"not now bergoglio... we are shopping... wait til we get back to the casa santa marta... "

"oh, alright... how many 'spiritual' grandchildren do you have?"

"At last count... about 6 billion or so... but how will i know what size to buy for all of them?"

"oh," replied bergoglio proudly, "that is the best thing about my bergoglio brand t-shirts... they have been carefully designed by my ecumenical consultants so that one-size-fits-all."

"oh, that's right... how could i forget. i recommended this myself during the preliminary studies."

"oh, that's right. in that case please allow me to donate one million dollars for the t-shirts from my personal Vatican account."

"natürlich, of course. how else did you think i was going to pay for them?"

"let's hurry then kasper... it looks like they may be selling out."

"don't worry, bergoglio... there is plenty more where that came from."

~~~
~~~

i don't get it...

what don't you get?

how can one size fit all? for instance a jewish rabbi and a protestant pentecostal minister?

i read that the secret is in the special "ecumenical spirit" material that the bergoglio brand items are made from.

so what is so special about this "ecumenical spirit" material?

i read that it's been specially treated in a very hot fire so that it can stretch to fit all false religions.

and what about Catholics?

oh the marketing studies found that this was such a small niche market that it wasn't worth going after.

so what happens if a Catholic tries on one of these bergoglio i-don't-want-to-judge one size fits all t-shirts?

oh no, it won't fit... but why would they want to do that?

maybe... to look cool?

oh you're talking about the Vatican II 'c'atholics... no problem. it will fit them perfectly.

phew, that's a relief.

yeah

modern technology is wonderful...

... and getting better all the time... that's progress

and 'c'atholics don't want to be left behind...

got that right...

coool

yeah, coool

... so what used to be on the land where they built the new Vatican II superstore?

oh, it was a centuries old medieval cathedral

that's what i thought...

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